(AP) An unidentified prostitute was found dead last weekend in a residential swimming pool belonging to Governor Andrew Cuomo (D-NY). Law enforcement officials state that a neighbor called police when they spotted a young woman face down in the water early Saturday morning. Right-wing pundits were quick to place blame on Gov. Cuomo, who was found by police passed out in a pile of one dollar bills and cocaine with jumper cables attached to his stylish nipple piercings in the residence’s living room. However, CNN reports that Cuomo’s response to the crisis has been exemplary. In a press release this morning, Gov. Cuomo said, “The Trump administration was woefully unprepared for this situation, and the president’s response has been totally inadequate. If we had the federal aid promised I wouldn’t of needed my mortgage money back.” Two separate charges have been filed against the prostitute, who was in possession of a plastic bag and loose cigarette butt at the time of death.